Yeah, I Nibble

I turn on Nibbles and, right away, my senses are assaulted. It’s like the intro to Enter the Void or Funny Games, but even worse! It’s overwhelming. If I follow the red dots with my eyes, I am able to temporarily cling to my sanity, but if I falter for even a moment, I enter a world of chaos within my own mind…..but I must press on.

4-way controls? I’m not a virtuoso. Left and right are what I’m accustomed to. I’ll give it a whirl, but I miss the good ole days.

You can have 2 players on this game. Thanks for reminding me that no one wants to play with me, Nibblefucks. Forever alone…

Difficulty can be set from 1-100. Level 100 difficulty is referred to as “twiddle fingers”. That sounds kinda creepy. Like, you wouldn’t want to meet a grown man that has the nickname Twiddle Fingers. If ya do, get the fuck outta there. So, I chose level 50. It’s middle of the road and boring, like my life. Just going through the motions. No excitement. Zero ambition. There is an option to increase skill level as you play. I consider this a “better myself” simulator. Maybe I’ll get some sort of satisfaction through making an effort, of which I lack in real life. Time to start the game….

Ok, I heard this game was beautiful, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I see five colors on the screen AT THE SAME TIME, all while maintaining a rock solid eleventy frames per second! I’m surprised my PC can even run this. Good thing I got that 486 upgrade.

My character’s name is Sammy. How can I truly immerse myself in this rich gaming environment if I am to take on the identity of another? A marker and a post-it note make short work of this problem:


Now I am immersed. I am Tony the Snek. Let’s begin….WHOA! Without warning you accelerate from a dead stop to maddening speeds. I barely catch my breath before I realize I’m heading straight for a wall. I must turn or face certain death as a result of smashing my head to bits.

I find my zen place and focus. I recall the meditation techniques I learned from that summer in Tibet. I become one with the snek. I see through the snek’s eyes. I have the snek’s memories. Snek had a life, a family. PASSION. But a greater snek was jealous of what snek had. Snek was accused of snek crimes he did not commit. He was sentenced to spend his time in this snek prison for an undetermined amount of snek time. Everyday he eats numbers and grows bigger until he dies, but he never really dies. He is reborn to repeat indefinitely. He does not hunger. He does not sleep. He does not dream. He does not love. He just plays……The Game.

Anyway, this shit’s a pretty fun time waster when you have absolutely nothing else to do.

Be snek!


Author: Tony Lambert

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